Turnaround.........

........this week.
Feels like something's clicked within me and I'm now allowing myself to do as I want to!!Bizarre, but true.
I wish I could identify the source of the 'lightbulb' moment but, no, it eludes me! I'm on the scrapping production scene again-scrimple LO's- but am going for it!
Despite interruptions, I've got a crafty way to sort it and it helps when it actually comes to doing the pages!! They're nothing like the ones in the mags I'm addicted to-as well as 'Notebook'!!- nor are they LOs that Ali, Cathy, Elsie would ever own up to, but they're mine, mine! I'm getting my mojo back and it feels sooooooo good.......no, damn good!!
I've found a source for white gel pens and have clocked onto a couple of good sites so I can find things around Oz easier!
My stuff comes on Friday-all being well and customs not banning any of my stuff!!- I can't wait to reacquaint myself with my stash-ooooooh, the joys!!!!- my gorgeous books, the kids' toys and our clothes plus all our crockery and kitchen things we love, like our coffee percolator.......lovin' it!!! The real smell and taste of coffee is to pervade through our house!! Can't wait!! It'll feel more like our 'home'.
Eldest boy is not doing so well again and my suspicions re: ASD/PSD are once again rearing their heads. School's had a complaint from another child's parents about DS1 scratching and near-strangling another child. Mind you, makes me wonder if the lad's told them what he was doing to DS1 before that happened. Doesn't excuse what DH has done.......DS1 told us he'd been mean to a boy(he never names names!!) because he was mean to DS1 and that was the day it happened. Transpires that it's happening quite alot i.e that DS1 is spending less time playing and more time being punished for anti-social behaviour as there's teachers reporting his 'bad' stuff almost daily. Trouble is, it's a bit scary when DS1's teacher is saying, "I just don't know what to do". Grief, where does that leave us!?
....DS1 sees the world differently in my eyes. He becomes confused by loads of noise, activity and mixed messages just baffle him. He's a sensitive lad and is striving to be good but, as he calls it, 'my bad brain keeps stopping me'. He wants nothing more than things to stay the same, folk to be peaceful, kind and not lie to him . He doesn't 'get' lies and the process bewilders and upsets him. The concept of lying is really hard for him and he cannot bear it when he knows that any of our other 2 are lying. DS's view is that people are kind and then tries to copy..trouble is, he copies the ones who are not kind(in most folks view!) but he thinks they are! When he then translates that to other children, of course, it's too rough, not kind etc so he-because he can't get lying/doesn't lie- is once again the scapegoat. Bloody right cycle of unfairness/confusion for him. If you ask me, it's other folk/children that need to be more like DS1 than DS1 being like them. Of course, DH won't consider that our firstborn-son-by-3-minutes is not going to necessarily live the life we want him to lead. I must keep researching and, in the meantime, keep being my DS1's champion. I will not stand by while others make him the scapegoat for their own intolerances/ignorance/rudeness/impatience/unkindness etc.......grief, he's only 5!!!!
I love that he helps me look at things in a different way.
I love that he is sensitive and robust
I love that he is clever and bumbling
I love that he is creative and imaginative
I love that he is adoring of me
I love that he responds to how I feel(sad or glad)
I love that he is helpful and caring and kind and thoughtful
I love that he is clumsy and messy and silly and impulsive
I love that he is funny and deep-thinking
I love that he's active and contemplative
I love that he's mine
I love him.

He's all good.
It's all good.
It'll be OK.